We spent fourteen good hours yesterday, talking, dancing, and hugging, and I crave for more. It felt unnatural to see him walk out the door and kiss me goodbye.
Everything related to him must be done with extra cautions. His presence has turned me into a porcelain doll-fragile, breakable, and too fussy to be carried. Before that, I never knew such a text could consume so much energy. He had appeared in my night sky like a little dwarf, a star feeble in light but so dense that I was sucked into gravity field where my normal self was either shattered or flattened. Within his orbit I was nothing but flat noodle. It was so hard to breathe. So hard to get out.
I realized that with him, I am constantly swaying from one side to another. To let him go and give up, and to make it work, like deep down I know I have been loving this man for years and I know for sure he does the same too.
Some stupid philosopher kept telling us to go with the flow, to drift with the river of life. I hate to see him briefly. It is not worth the piercing sensation in the chest he left me for weeks that I have to muster extra energy to function properly. And I miss him so bad, so badly that my tears coming out of nowhere.
All these emptiness.
And again, life sways me from one side to another.
From Recoverso – Dee Lestari