The blazing sun outside doesn’t quite portray wet and rainy season of December. This month, another solar cycle is nearly passed and here I am again, when the favorite season of the year is just around the corner. Festive of signing to new age, entering the magical theater of Christmas, and having sparkling new year. This is the ritual which I deeply enjoy, the retrospective contemplation to keep me grounded for the big picture for what I have learnt and what kind of person I have become in a span of dozen months.
Indeed 365 days is a lengthy time to meet new people, going to many new places, developing new understanding of our understanding, exposed with a lot of perception which can support or conflict our personal belief and values, or maybe to finally found our anchor of who we really are.
- Be brave
Fortune favors the brave – audentes fortuna iuvat.
I am aware that I am not kind of person who has enough courage to do something which I truly like or to honestly speak up my mind. Sometimes, I do wonder what did I do to deserve all of these.. to be what I am today. Often I told myself it is merely a coincidence for being one in a certain time and in certain place. I am blessed to have environment that supports me. I am making plan, making decision of what my grand picture should be like, creating the meaning which resonates with the rhythm of my heartbeat, for the pace and the time.
The thing about having melancholic soul is the cons will always emerge at the very first place and now it is my job to be more focus on the brighter side, not forget to mention that I should be sticking out with every details on the plans. Sure, there will be lost, but at least keeping up the rest instead losing everything at all.
I will never get tired to remind myself to be brave, to take more risk, to take decision, to be conscious and humble at the same time.
It requires a magnitude quake to wake awareness and I realized I was a self-absorbed person. It was like seeing with my glass off to understand people outside me, myself, and I. I learned hard way how to genuinely love and to care ones, which eventually is better coined as to give instead of to love.
My understanding on love has been greatly affected from what I consumed – blame brain picking and Allain de Botton. To give: my attention, my affection, my willingness to understand although sometimes it does not make sense, my time, my energy, my thought, or anything which I can share and give some little positive impact to my surrounding. And the spectrum of loved ones is so varies, from the inner circle of family (first thing first aye), a dear boyfriend, friends whom I spent most of the time, co-workers at work, old friends from college and high school, neighbor, or even stranger we pass on the road.
Because to love is to genuinely to give and to be kind.
Always be kind
- Finding my anchor
Getting know oneself is harder than getting know somebody else, the bias, the emotions, and the feeling oftentimes get in the way to disturb the journey of finding ourselves objectively. I had a heated arguments with Ahmed – my boyfriend, about finding who we are.
I only think the idealism of how myself should be instead of living it in, more or less only the grand gesture of my values. Ahmed is a real example who is restlessly reminding me (and having tons of argument) the important of knowing myself, so nothing (except what we truly believe in) could interfere or shake our ground. He amazes me with his courage, like I literally never met anyone as courageous as him, especially when it comes difficulties, hardship, and unpleasant situation which happens very often, he always get things done – in a good manner. (Couldn’t I be more in love with him, huh?)
The perks of having an (ultra) detail-oriented person as loved one, he somehow keeps me grounded with the priorities I should have been making.
To live a life, a well meaning life we created.
There’s nothing more powerful than humbling myself before Allah, looking at everyday scenes for reminding myself that I am way much more fortuned than I thought I wasn’t. I used to mainly focus on aiming and finishing my target as fast as I can, I savor the triumph of getting things done before its due – although sometimes I could be entirely acting the other way around. And now, I’d like to savor the process, to indulge myself in creating something, feeling the moment and capturing the scenery of everyday thoughts, interactions, and my actions.
It’s a brick by brick that build a house.
May 2018 is filled with joy, courage, and wisdom