In the flow

We spent fourteen good hours yesterday, talking, dancing, and hugging, and I crave for more. It felt unnatural to see him walk out the door and kiss me goodbye.

swinging - whimsical

Everything related to him must be done with extra cautions. His presence has turned me into a porcelain doll-fragile, breakable, and too fussy to be carried. Before that, I never knew such a text could consume so much energy. He had appeared in my night sky like a little dwarf, a star feeble in light but so dense that I was sucked into gravity field where my normal self was either shattered or flattened. Within his orbit I was nothing but flat noodle. It was so hard to breathe. So hard to get out.

I realized that with him, I am constantly swaying from one side to another. To let him go and give up, and to make it work, like deep down I know I have been loving this man for years and I know for sure he does the same too.

Some stupid philosopher kept telling us to go with the flow, to drift with the river of life. I hate to see him briefly. It is not worth the piercing sensation in the chest he left me for weeks that I have to muster extra energy to function properly. And I miss him so bad, so badly that my tears coming out of nowhere.

All these emptiness.

And again, life sways me from one side to another.

From Recoverso – Dee Lestari



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